AFTER ALL HUM SAAB EK HAIN!!!...read to know INDIENGLISHUU
AFTER ALL HUM SAAB EK HAIN!!!...read to know INDIENGLISHUU
"Tamils"are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what
they think, at least!). They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi (Hindi)
saar...what da??.The more common Madarasi (chennaisi..., now?) is an
ardent fan of kireeket matches.
Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish
like ...are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!" And
they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar.
Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble" neighbours in the "keralites"
who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the
middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they
eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the world and
form 99.89% of nursing community.
Not far begind the kerals is the "telugu desam", who are totally againesht
flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out
withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu (pleat).
Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu!
Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu,
probhingu, queschioningu othersu ....)
The Canadians, excuse me, the "Kannadigas" aor (are) the coolest dobun
When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose,
they'll burn the entire city of Bengaloroo to kill the fly! To hell with
Silicon valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu,
filamu are some of their favourites.
"Maharashtrians" are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that
is because gavasakar, tendulkar, bahulkar,.. confused that is because
sitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person "are
you from Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the
other person takes some time to answer the question. They like the
principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay
(god knows where that came from). Although soft, peace loving people but
they elect the shivsena to rule them.
And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the "Gujjubhais". They like
to keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes
(snacks)
like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They
gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the
brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or a
ben).
If you go further eesht, the land uf Udissa - the land of irron ("r"
unsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people
are
bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask your name starts
from B
or Bhe. They
do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the
wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero, jero,
sebhen.
Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boash
and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was
also pretty good) and eberybody is X da. I used to habe a friend by name.
Dada. Bonder...neber mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery
goooood, tho!
Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the
universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,...but... And Biharees
are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, isse bhadiya tumre pass koochi hai
kaa?! spit spit...
UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make
lots of ishteel.
Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer Rotti Shotti Khayega! to
which I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what
happenedu, oi?!. Then of course, everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats
Pnjab for you.
And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cash
spent to keep it in India)?!?
I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby...
But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is in
Sunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; UmmAl Quwain, UAE or Serangoon Road,
Singapore, ask them who they are and you'll get just one answer ---
"INDIANS"
AFTER ALL HUM SAAB EK HAIN!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers of a Candidate applying for MBBS Course.
By saravanan
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose..
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/ well known..
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens in an indian hell?
By mahesh CV
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad >that>>the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0-Comparative Trial
By Raghav s
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.
1. a "Don't remind me again" button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters..
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir,can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'
The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. 'You must be an engineer,' said the lady balloonist.
'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know ?' 'Well, answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no
idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm Still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything you did is delayed my trip even more.'
The man below responded, 'You must be in management.'
'I am,' Replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?' 'Well,' said the man, 'You don't
know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, with the help of a lot of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tamils"are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what
they think, at least!). They speak yenglish but sorry, no indi (Hindi)
saar...what da??.The more common Madarasi (chennaisi..., now?) is an
ardent fan of kireeket matches.
Their counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish
like ...are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!" And
they take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar.
Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have "simble" neighbours in the "keralites"
who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the
middle east, I guess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they
eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the world and
form 99.89% of nursing community.
Not far begind the kerals is the "telugu desam", who are totally againesht
flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out
withu brick red shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu (pleat).
Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu!
Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu,
probhingu, queschioningu othersu ....)
The Canadians, excuse me, the "Kannadigas" aor (are) the coolest dobun
When it comes to Rajkumar (actor), if a fly sits on his nose,
they'll burn the entire city of Bengaloroo to kill the fly! To hell with
Silicon valley! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu,
filamu are some of their favourites.
"Maharashtrians" are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that
is because gavasakar, tendulkar, bahulkar,.. confused that is because
sitting in southern part of India they would ask the other person "are
you from Maharashtra or from south India..?" and genuinely wonder why the
other person takes some time to answer the question. They like the
principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay
(god knows where that came from). Although soft, peace loving people but
they elect the shivsena to rule them.
And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the "Gujjubhais". They like
to keep kes in the benk and their favourite past time is eating snakes
(snacks)
like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They
gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the
brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or a
ben).
If you go further eesht, the land uf Udissa - the land of irron ("r"
unsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people
are
bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask your name starts
from B
or Bhe. They
do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the
wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero, jero,
sebhen.
Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boash
and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who was
also pretty good) and eberybody is X da. I used to habe a friend by name.
Dada. Bonder...neber mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery
goooood, tho!
Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the
universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,...but... And Biharees
are bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, isse bhadiya tumre pass koochi hai
kaa?! spit spit...
UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make
lots of ishteel.
Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer Rotti Shotti Khayega! to
which I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what
happenedu, oi?!. Then of course, everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats
Pnjab for you.
And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cash
spent to keep it in India)?!?
I know Roja (or Roza?)was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby...
But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is in
Sunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; UmmAl Quwain, UAE or Serangoon Road,
Singapore, ask them who they are and you'll get just one answer ---
"INDIANS"
AFTER ALL HUM SAAB EK HAIN!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers of a Candidate applying for MBBS Course.
By saravanan
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.
Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose..
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.
Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.
Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.
Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/ well known..
Labour pain - hurt at work.
Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.
Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.
Proteins - in favour of teens.
Pulse - grain.
Pus - small cat.
Red blood count - Dracula.
Secretion - hiding anything.
Tablet - small table.
Ultrasound - radical noise.
Urine - opposite of you're out.
Varicose - very close.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens in an indian hell?
By mahesh CV
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"
He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad >that>>the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0-Comparative Trial
By Raghav s
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.
Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.
Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.
1. a "Don't remind me again" button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters..
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir,can you help me ? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'
The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. 'You must be an engineer,' said the lady balloonist.
'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know ?' 'Well, answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no
idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm Still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything you did is delayed my trip even more.'
The man below responded, 'You must be in management.'
'I am,' Replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?' 'Well,' said the man, 'You don't
know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, with the help of a lot of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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